It’s been so long since I blogged that I don’t even know what to write. That, actually, has been keeping me from blogging – not knowing what to write.
Let’s go with a status update. I’ve gained weight. To the point where I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I’ve been working out, but the eating….My eating habits have been terrible. I’ve veered into eating whatever I want territory. That would be fine, I suppose, if whatever I wanted happened to involve a lot of veggies, lean protein, and otherwise wholesome foods; however, too many starches and too many sugary treats have made their way into and onto my body.
I know what I need to do in order to start feeling better and eating more healthfully, and yet, I’m struggling to do those things. Carbs keep winning. At least that’s how it feels.
I should not be losing to food. Like, what is that idea? That food is some sort of powerful foe to defeat? It’s not, and I don’t think that food should be some sort of enemy.
I’m not sure how to approach weight loss this time. I sense that if I don’t deal with the mental aspects of what is leading me to keep gaining weight, that I won’t ever be able to maintain a healthy weight. I’ve read lots of books and articles on weight loss, and I had thought that I found the solution a few years ago (working with a dietitian and personal trainer who provided coaching and support), but when my dietitian moved into a different field and my personal trainer moved away, I gradually slipped back into old, less healthy habits. I’ve started working with a new dietitian, but I don’t really like her approach that much (tracking what I eat and counting calories) because I don’t feel like it’s sustainable. Plus, personality-wise, I don’t feel like we “click.” I’ve recently started with a new trainer, too, and I really like her, but I’m only a couple of weeks in so it’s too early to really judge how things are going there.
Weight loss is work, despite magazines yelling at me that I can “Eat More, Weigh Less.” Chopping up veggies, packing healthy snacks, bringing lunch to work, meal planning, food journaling, counting calories, finding time to workout, actually working out, grocery shopping, avoiding unhealthy foods, convincing yourself that you don’t want that chocolate treat. This is WORK, and I am tired, mentally tired. I guess that’s what’s holding me back. I KNOW that weight loss and what I need to do to achieve it are hard and require a certain level of mental commitment. I am not there right now, and I don’t know how I’m going to get there.