It’s been an exciting couple of days.
The big news, of course, is that I have a new baby nephew! He was born yesterday afternoon at 1:02pm. He and his mom (my sister) are both doing fine. I had forgotten how tiny newborns are, since my two
monsters angels (ages 7 and 5) are both sitting around the 50lb mark, and while he’s absolutely beautiful, I am SO happy that my kids are no longer babies.
I have to admit, I am snickering a little on the inside, knowing what my sister and her husband have in store ahead of them. It’s been more than 7 years since I was kidless, but becoming a parent is life-changing and I don’t think they fully realize how much. But then, who does? Becoming a mother has changed my life in ways that I never expected. Of course there are the obvious things – the sleepless nights (especially in those first 6 months), the seemingly endless diaper changes, an increasingly messy house, toys everywhere, and then, later, running to soccer and hockey and birthday parties and school events, and having to find babysitters you trust.
What didn’t I expect?
- Being covered in vomit and being more concerned about comforting my sick baby than the fact that he had vomited down the front of my shirt, and then down the back of my shirt.
- How much I love to watch them sleep. Even now, I’ll crawl in with them, listening to them breathe and just looking at them.
- How angry I can get with them, and how frustrating it is to have to explain why. All. The. Time. I have had more Bad Mom Moments in fits of anger than I care to admit.
- Feeling like a dairy cow when I breastfed. And how hard it was to breastfeed (at least I found it so).
- The guilt that accompanies everything I do, or fail to do.
- How darn entertaining they are. No other kids are as interesting to me as my kids are. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but sometimes this involves their appropriate use of swear words or crazy pop-induced belching.
- How much my heart breaks when they experience real pain.
- Feeling like I no longer owned myself after having kids. It’s difficult for me to explain, but I’m a very introverted, introspective person and I like my alone time. I’m in my own head a lot. It’s been difficult, at times, feeling like I had to give that up when I spent a lot of time with my kids, like last summer, when I was off school and stayed at home with the kids. I would make a lousy stay-at-home mom, because I just don’t have the ability to give that much of myself all the time.
- The sheer volume of nose wiping, butt wiping, face wiping, cleaning up of pee and poo, that continues to this day.
- That the idea of losing my child makes me nauseous. Literally. The idea of it is like a hot potato: my mind briefly acknowledges it but quickly tosses it away before I can really process it.
- How many times I have happily played Fire Burnin’ by Sean Kingston because my kids request it and then sing and dance to it.
- Workouts: besides my 8 min run on Wednesday, which ended with with me running to the bathroom, I fit in a session with my trainer on Thursday morning (while my sister was in labour and I was waiting to hear if I needed to pack up the kids and hit the road to visit my new nephew), and then got a 30 min run in today. It was raining here, so I decided to hit the treadmill instead of going outside. I’m not sure what is up, but I totally psych myself out on the treadmill. For some reason, it feels harder, even though my heart rate is lower, and sometimes I just feel like I can’t mentally push through and keep running. It seems like having the time and speed right in front of me throws me off somehow. I’m planning to fit in a full-body, no-weight-required strength workout tomorrow, and then some intervals (4 x 800m) on Sunday.
- Eating: To be perfectly honest, we’ve been on the road a lot lately, first in Calgary to visit my bro and now visiting my sis in Regina, and I’m finding it hard to always make the best, healthiest choices and not give in to the readily-available treats calling my name. If I had to give myself a grade for my food choices this past week, I’m not sure I’d give myself a passing grade…
- Random stuff: I am currently so sore from yesterday’s workout with my trainer that bending over to pick stuff up is hard to do, sitting down is painful, and I actually had to get my husband to help me take off my tank and bra after my workout today. Because they’re tight and required me lifting my arms above my head, I physically couldn’t pull my shirt off.