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On Failure

September 13, 2011

I feel like a big, fat failure.

If I were to get a report card for the past month, it would look like this:

Eating healthfully                          F

Exercising                                        F

Getting necessary tasks done     F

Being a good mom                         F

Schoolwork                                      F

In the past week alone, I have consumed chips, a giant chocolate bar, Fudgee-O cookies, pizza (on more than one occasion), and ice cream.  I have screamed at my daughter and completely flipped out on her, saying things to her that should not have been said.  I have not registered my kids for gymnastics, bought Halloween costumes, or bought my daughter shoes for gym class.  I have ordered pizza instead of cooking, eaten cereal and called it supper, and polished off a big bag of chips on my own.  There has been absolutely zero working out.  I haven’t done any studying, updated my calendar with my list of projects and exams, or made an organized list of patients that need to come in to have work done.   I was late paying my monthly parking fees, I’ve got a pile of cheques to record and deposit (I’m a moron and volunteered to be the treasurer for our college’s student council), and I’ve been putting of booking a physio appointment because I have no idea where to fit it into my schedule.  I haven’t started job hunting for when I’m done school in the spring, my desk/office are still a disaster, and I haven’t started looking for an after-school babysitter yet, though we desperately need one.

About the only area in which I’ve been successful is in getting lots of sleep, because I’m just feeling so exhausted, I am having a hard time staying up past 9pm.  And I sleep until 7am, which is definitely late for me to be getting up if I want to make it to school on time to set up for morning clinic.

Tonight, I had a list of about 8 things I wanted to get done.  I think I got 2 of them crossed off the list.

I’m not looking for consoling words, because I do know that I have a lot on my plate and am accomplishing quite a few things, despite my “failures.”  I just would like to not feel so lousy about the things I’m not doing, and I’m not sure how to do that.  I think I need to adjust my expectations, but again, not sure how to do that, when everything I’m not doing seems to be pretty darn important.

On a much happier note, I won a giveaway over at Trying to be a Yummy Mummy and received my prize today, which included a copy of The Biggest Loser Cookbook (pictured at left).  I took a quick look at some of the recipes and am really interested to try some of them out.  A couple of salad and chicken recipes popped out at me.  No promises, though, on when I’ll get around to trying them out.

It’s 9:20pm now, and though I would love to brush and floss and crawl into my bed, I’m going to make lunches first.  But that’s it.  I may have Type A tendencies sometimes, but I’m not feeling up to any sort of overachieving tonight – not even close.  I’m definitely in bare minimum mode these days.

Just realized I have something else to add to my to-do list: a friend is getting married on Saturday and I haven’t even thought about a card and a gift.  Cash it is, I guess!  No use stressing out and shopping for something they probably don’t really need anyway, right?

 

 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 14, 2011 5:49 am

    Sounds like you have tons on your plate right now — I know you don’t want consoling words, but just do the best you can. That is all you can do!

  2. September 14, 2011 8:25 am

    :( Hey…we all have these moments! DOn’t be so hard on yourself my friend!

  3. September 14, 2011 12:19 pm

    No matter what you do, absolutely do not get down on your abilities as a parent! Your children are healthy, happy and have two parents who care for them very much.

    Keep on taking care of yourself and don’t put too much pressure on yourself – we are our own worst enemies.

  4. September 15, 2011 8:38 pm

    I feel so similar these days…I am in a rut I think. I don’t seem to have the energy to go at any task 100%! This is frustrating since I usually feel good about everything I juggle.

    I wish I had some words of wisdom but instead I’ll agree with Kat and say that we are absolutely our worst enemies when it comes to putting pressure on ourselves.

    Hang in there my friend! I can relate.

  5. September 16, 2011 9:30 pm

    Sorry that you feel like a failure. You deserve a break from all things after all the hard work you did in the winter semester – I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

    People always want money most for weddings!!!

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